The Price of Love

Dedicated to Howie 11/17/2013 – 10/06/2023

It’s New Year’s Eve, and I am fluctuating between writing and watching the entertainment in Times Square. I had a blessed year because I woke up this morning and am still here. It was a challenging year in many ways, but the strength to meet the challenges somehow appeared in my path when needed.

The year was simultaneously happy and sad because I fell in love and lost my companion within ten months. His name was Howie, and he was a nine-year-old Shih-Poo who found himself in a shelter the day before Christmas through no fault of his own. His elderly mom had passed the day before, and somebody decided the shelter was the only place left for him to go. That’s when I met my sweet little boy.

But, the price of love is steep because someone always has to leave first, except for rare instances when both parties leave simultaneously. So naturally, someone is left behind to deal with the aftermath of being alone, picking up the pieces of whatever is left. 

We humans are blessed and cursed with the ability to feel emotions. We are blessed with the ability to feel love and cursed when our happiness comes crashing down, and the sadness rolls in. When the object of our passion leaves, whether by death or personal decision, our hearts hurt all the same – a lot.   

It makes you question whether the investment and commitment to love is worth it. I remember feeling this way, wondering if I would ever open my heart up to another being again, outside my circle of family and friends. Truthfully, I never expected to receive the love and devotion my buddy bestowed so eagerly. My heart opened up from the day I met him, and it grew bigger and happier than it had been in a very long while. We shared exciting outdoor adventures and quietly watching TV on the couch together.

Yes, it hurts to be the one left behind. But I promised Howie when I adopted him that I would take care of him until his last breath, and I kept that promise. I often look at the memorial portrait by C. Aldrich Art that hangs on my living room wall. Even while that sweet little face brings me to tears, they are tears of both happiness and sadness – joy that we found each other and heartbreak that it was his time to leave.

Whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a beloved pet, in every case, someone in the relationship has to leave first. That is the way of life. Emotions outlive us, entrusted to the memories that sustain us. We don’t need their physical form present to love another. When I think of Howie, I know he is reuniting with his first mother, the woman who raised him all those years. I can’t be sad at the thought of them walking happily together across the rainbow bridge with all that love between them. I was meant to be his last mother.

Take the risk to let your heart fill up with the joy of love for however long it lasts because love is a genuine emotion. True, there will be sadness when the first one has to leave. But think about all the beautiful memories you would have missed out on. That is the gift of love. I think it’s worth the price.